


Slipped Away

by shadowsamurai



Category: Waking the Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-02
Updated: 2012-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 01:30:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsamurai/pseuds/shadowsamurai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Though she is gone, he will never forget her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slipped Away

**Author's Note:**

> Set post S4, 'Shadowplay, Parts 1 & 2'. All lyrics used belong to Avril Lavigne.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing things for a while and I promise I'll put everything back exactly how I found it when I've finished. Well, almost exactly how I found it. ;)

WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD-WtD

Spencer stared into his pint, not seeing the clear glass surrounding the bubbling amber liquid. Didn't see the way people leant into each other to share a joke or intimate moment, the way they touched each other on the arm or leg, or the way they whacked one another playfully, either. He couldn't hear the noises of the pub around him; the scrapes of chairs being pushed back, the clinking of bottles, the loud raucous of friends enjoying themselves. All he could see was her face, all he could hear was her voice, and all he could feel was the vast emptiness she had left behind, a black, gaping hole in his soul that seemed to want to suck into into the void, and for a long time, Spencer was tempted to fall.

*I miss you, miss you so bad  
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad*

He lifted his drink to his mouth, his movements mechanical, and when the liquid entered his mouth, he didn't taste anything. The beer seemed bitter on his tongue, or was that simply regret? Was it anger and frustration he was tasting, in himself, Boyd, the team, fate or life in general? When he swallowed, it felt like a boulder going down, lodging in his throat, choking him, and for a moment, Spencer welcomed the emptiness of death. At least then he would have a reason for the emptiness he was feeling; an excuse for feeling nothing else but a sorrow so strong, it was smothering him.

*I didn't get around to kiss you goodbye on the hand  
I wish that I could see you again, I know that I can't*

Words echoed in his ears, reverberating around the inside of his head. Spencer had heard the information Boyd had given him over the phone, had registered the dead tone of his boss, had even relayed the message to Frankie, breaking her heart in the process, but he hadn't actually processed it properly. Still hadn't, if he was honest with himself, which he wasn't. In fact, Spencer wasn't anything with himself, or anything as all. He just...was. The only thing he knew for certain was that he was different; her death had changed, probably for the worst.

*I hope you can hear me  
I remember it clearly  
The day you slipped away  
Was the day I found it won't be the same*

Suddenly the atmosphere of the pub was cloying, suffocating him, making him feel like he was trapped in a car and drowning, and Spencer knew he had to escape. Escape from the building, the city, from his pathetic attempt at life. Throwing some money on the bar and not waiting for his change, he all but fled the premises, clambered in his car and started to drive. The rain lashed his windscreen but he didn't care, just pushed the accelerator further and further down, not caring if he was caught and fined, not caring how many red lights he ran, not caring if he died or killed someone with his stupidity. It didn't matter any more. The shining light in his life was gone, never to return, and he found he didn't know how to go on. Loss was a part of the job, Spencer knew that, but he never expected to lose her, not in such a violent way, not so....

*I've had my wake, won't you wake up, I keep asking why  
And I can't take it, it wasn't fake, it happened you passed by*

Tears obscuring his view, Spencer slowed down until he finally found a parking space by the side of the road. Sitting staring straight ahead, he tried to fathom out exactly what he had lost, tried to put a name to the pain he was feeling, to the anguish that was like air in his lungs and blood in his veins. Her face stared back at him in the reflection on the windscreen; she was smiling, laughing, so happy, so full of life. It wasn't fair, he decided. It should have been him, he knew. It shouldn't have been any of them.

*Now you're gone, now you're gone  
There you go, there you go  
Somewhere I can't bring you back  
Now you're gone, now you're gone  
There you go, there you go  
Somewhere you're not coming back*

Tipping his head back, Spencer suddenly opened his mouth and screamed, pouring all of his suffering, his despair, his loneliness, his anger, his pain, his failures, his hatred into that sound. He screamed until his felt his eardrums would burst with the noise contained in the car. He screamed until he thought his heart with explode with emotion, until the screams started screaming back at him, until he could no longer hear his voice, until his voice failed him. Yet still he screamed. She was gone. She was not coming back.

*The day you slipped away  
Was the day I found it won't be the same*

Breaking down, body heart and soul, Spencer fell forwards, his forehead coming to rest on the steering wheel. As the tears began to fall freely, one word tumbled from his lips. "Mel."

*I miss you*

FIN


End file.
